Skip to main content

Responsibility: Three Scenes

Scene One: A convenience store restroom in Vicksburg, Mississippi, which, it is discovered at the last minute, is out of toilet paper.

Me: You're going to have to use paper towels, I guess.

Mallory: That's a really bad idea.

Me: It's not ideal, I agree, but I don't see a choice.

Mallory: No, but listen. Do you remember one day when I was in first grade and they had to close the whole school before lunch because the pipes broke?

Me:...Yes, I do remember that.

Mallory: Well, it's because someone flushed paper towels down the toilet.

Me: Really?

Mallory: A LOT of paper towels. To see what would happen.

Me: Well, that wasn't very smart.

Mallory: Do you want to know who it was that did that?

Me: Yes? Maybe?

Mallory: Yeah, it was me. But don't tell anyone -- nobody knows that but you.

Scene Two: Driving home from a preschool birthday party, at which I discovered that one of Phoebe's classmates had been expelled due to bullying.

Me: Phoebe, was Annie [not her real name] ever mean to you?

Phoebe: No, not to me.She hit a lot of other people, though.

Me: She did? Like who?

Phoebe: [sighs] I'm not allowed to talk about it. It's not my job to keep track of that stuff, Mommy -- it's my teacher's job.

Me: Oh. Sorry.

Scene Three: The girls' bedroom, last night, upon discovering that they had strewn packing peanuts all over the floor whilst trying to build a "carnival ride" (don't ask).

Phoebe: This is going to be very hard to clean up.

Chris: You're going to have to clean it up anyway.

Phoebe: What do you think I am, your servant?

Me: Watch it, missy.

Mallory: You know Phoebe, you're lucky to have a big sister.

Phoebe: Yeah, I am.

Mallory: See, big sisters don't need little sisters. They may want them, but they don't need them.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Mallory: But little sisters do need big sisters. They need them to help take care of them, and tell them things, and help them out, because they're just little and they don't know as much about stuff as big sisters do.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Mallory: So I think you should be the one to clean all this up, because you need to pay me back just for being a good big sister to you.

Me: Nice try.

Comments

H Noble said…
Wow. They certainly don't provide training for these situations, do they?
12:18 PM
aimee said…
That is hilarious.

Just hilarious.

"Yeah, it was me."

Ha!
1:14 PM
Karen said…
What a nonchalant confession! Do you think it really was her?

I love the whole big sisters don't need little sisters bit!
6:37 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

the closet

Amy has challenged me to list 8 things that are hidden in the back of my closet. I try not to actually look to closely at the back of my closet, so these are my closest guesses: 1. At least three no-longer-needed diaper bags. 2. An outfit that I've been meaning to return to Land's End for at least six months now. 3. One of our wedding pictures, which has a broken frame which I keep meaning to replace. 4. Shoes, shoes, shoes, shoes. 5. Possibly a pair of fuzzy slippers. I miss those fuzzy slippers. Maybe I should brave the mess and go try to find them. 6. Baby blankets. 7. A few small toys that I meant to stick in the girls' Christmas stockings. Maybe next year. 8. And I'm guessing, a bunch of mismatched socks. My closet isn't very interesting, I'm afraid.
1 comment
Read more

The Golf Course

There was a miniature golf course in my grandparent’s house. There were, in fact, lots of cool-if-kitschy things in my grandparents’ house. There were swinging saloon doors between the kitchen and the master suite. There was a toilet seat made of transparent plastic, with ticket stubs from horse races embedded therein. There was a globe wine bar (pictured!). There was a mounted goat head (the goat was named Bucky) on whose antlers my granddad hung his golf caps. There was a stuffed pheasant whose chest feathers were smooth as silk. There was a kitchen bar of green marbled formica and swively kitchen chairs of red pleather. There was an automatic ice dispenser on the refrigerator, which was a rare and awe-inspiring thing in the 1970’s. There was a mirrored tray holding bejeweled perfume bottles with atomizers in the guest bathroom. There were two huge oil paintings – one of my aunt, with beautifully frosted hair, holding a Pug, one of my older sister as a toddler sitting on a John De...
7 comments
Read more

A time to have no time

In the past four weeks, I've been to five Girl Scout events, not including regular troop meetings AND leaders' meetings. When I'm not at a Girl Scout event, I'm preparing for the next one. I'm sending emails to parents, collecting money for field trips, buying craft supplies, and researching service projects. When I'm not dealing with Girl Scouts, I'm dealing with school. I'm at PTO meetings, or organizing teacher's breakfasts, or buying canned goods for the Thanksgiving food drive. Or I'm helping with homework, or signing homework agendas or behavior charts, or sorting through the piles and piles of paper that come home every week. When I'm not dealing with school, I'm taking the kids to the pool, or the park, or trying to arrange playdates or slumber parties. Or I'm making muffins for the week's breakfast, or cookies for the week's desserts, or endlessly washing the little plastic containers I send back and forth each da...
6 comments
Read more