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Sweet Nothings

Chris and I share a fondness for irreverent humor and a dislike of sentimentality. (We more or less realized we were soulmates while swapping quotes from The Simpsons.) I couldn’t meet his eyes during our wedding vows because of the way our preacher led us to say to one another, “I will lodge where you lodge” – something about that line struck us both as really funny. (We were already on the edge of the giggles after hearing my ex-brother-in-law read, with great feeling, the line from 1 Corinthians 13, “I am a noisy gong!” which was an apt description of his personality.)

So it should come as no surprise that we took our Lamaze class, which we took before Mallory was born, a bit less than seriously. I had already committed to an epidural, so all this talk of cleansing breaths and guided meditations and so forth struck us both as unnecessary. During one practice session, while all of us pregnant ladies were sprawled on the floor, with our husbands kneeling beside us, our instructor urged the men to whisper soothing, encouraging words to the panting women. Chris held my hand, leaned in close, and softly said, “You’re doing an adequate job. I’m sort of impressed with you. You’re not quite living up to your full potential, but I guess it’ll do. You could expend a tiny bit more effort, but whatever.”

I’m sure the other pregnant ladies wondered just what I thought was so funny.


aimee said…
You two are quite hilarious. I totally remember the noisy gong part and thought it was funny and wierd.

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