Separation Anxiety

Today in an email to Aimee I made reference to my oldest child's stubbornness and added, "I may have to leave her in Oklahoma with you!" Naturally I would never do that (although today for the first time ever I threatened Mallory with spanking because she would not get dressed for school -- it worked but I wasn't very impressed with myself afterwards). But it reminded me of an unusual childcare decision made by a former supervisor of mine. Which I will share with you now.

This woman -- let's call her Sylvia -- was from Panama; she came to New York when she was 20, got married, got a job, had two kids. When her kids were still very young -- I think 3 and 1 -- she had to go back to work. She interviewed some nannies, she toured some daycare facilities, but nothing felt right to her. So she sent her kids to Panama to live with her parents. She didn't see her kids -- still babies! -- for months at a time, until the oldest one was old enough to start school, and then they both came back to America.

I hate to be judgmental of her, because she did what she felt she had to do, and being a working mom is hard enough without people judging your for it, as I well know -- but wow, can you imagine being away from your small children for that length of time? It boggles my mind. I feel guilty if I'm running 15 minutes late to pick the girls up after work. And I can't fathom missing those toddler/preschool years, despite those many moments of exhaustion and frustration. For the record, Sylvia now has an excellent relationship with both of her kids -- in fact, her daughter and the daughter's son now live with her (the daughter's fiance was murdered when the little boy was about 2 -- very sad story). So I guess those years apart didn't damage the mother/child bond in any serious way. It's still not something I would ever contemplate doing myself.

On a related note -- Phoebe, as I've mentioned, attends a Parent's Morning Out program at our church, one day a week for three hours. There are two "paid caregivers" and one mother volunteer each week. One of the caregivers is having a baby next month, so she won't be around much longer. The other caregiver is, well, mean. She's a mean lady. She has a set of twins in first grade and a 6-month-old baby, and, she told me a few weeks ago, wants to be pregnant again by Christmas (!), but every time I've seen her at church functions with her kids, she's yelling at them. In fact last weekend we were at the church’s Harvest Day fall festival and Mallory and I were in line to do “Plinko” behind her and her son, and she was yelling at him because one of his shoes had come untied. Another person nearby looked over and said to her, “Are you sure you want another one?” in a joking-but-not-really kind of way. The woman just rolled her eyes, but I was thinking, Exactly! I mean, every parents has moments of frustration, but she seems to have no patience whatsoever. And she’s in charge of a bunch of 1-year-olds! To be fair, yelling at your own kids is your own prerogative (boy does that look misspelled), and I’ve never seen her yell at any of the PMO babies – but I still feel funny leaving Phoebe with her. If it weren’t for the fact that there is always another mommy in the room, I might withdraw Phoebe from the program altogether. Maybe she will get pregnant and have to quit. Sigh. Why does everything have to be so difficult?

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ART for the Day

At 16 months, Phoebe loves:

Talking on the phone (still!)
Elmo
Playing outside (she calls her swing the “whee!”)
Orange juice
Rice
Shredded cheese (and what a huge mess THAT makes)
The bead loops on her busy box
Going “bump” down the stairs on her bottom
Saying “shh!” to the dog

Phoebe hates:

When her hands get stuck in her sleeves while getting dressed
Wearing socks
All vegetables, apparently
Having her face washed after a meal

She’s a great singer, too. Have I mentioned the Elmo tape we have to listen to every time we ride in the car? Otherwise known as the bane of my existence? Phoebe can chime in with the last word on almost every line of every song. She’s especially good with “Elmo’s Song” (all those la-la-la’s) and “Elmo You Can Drive My Car” – Mallory sings the Beep-beeps, and Phoebe delivers the big “YEAH!” at the end. It almost makes the tape bearable for me!

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PS Thanks for all the help on the desk decision (NOT!). I still don't know what to do about that. I like Aimee's rolling-cart idea...maybe I'll go out at lunch and see what I can find.