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Submission Guidelines

I’ve had such an interesting day at work. I don’t want to reveal too much about my job, so let’s say, hypothetically, that I create html newsletters for hamster owners. And let’s say that in our last issue we invited our loyal readers to submit their very best picture of their hamster for possible publication in our next issue. Let’s say that we have received, to date, over three thousand pictures of hamsters that I now have to sort through. And let’s say that some of these pictures are alarmingly bad, so much so that I have decided that next year, when we once again open our inbox for reader photos, I’m going to include these guidelines:

1. Please submit only photos that are in focus.
2. Please fix any hamster red-eye before submitting photo.
3. Even the cutest hamster does not look all that cute when sitting on a couch with busy upholstery.
4. Or when sitting on dirty linoleum.
5. Photos of your hamster’s nether regions are not desirable.
6. Photos of your hamster snuggling into your cleavage are even less desirable.
7. “Glamour shots” of you and your hamster – again, no.
8. As we are one of the leading public advocates for hamster welfare, we cannot publish photos featuring your hamster perched on a jet ski. Or tangled up in electrical cords.
9. Please remove all sunglasses and funny hats from your hamster before taking the photo.
10. Please do not add captions such as “Hamster Love” or “Cutie-Pie!” to your photo. Leave the editorializing to us, the editors.
11. We stated that we wanted your “best” photo. “Best” means one, not five, not fifteen, not fifty-three. No, they’re not all so cute. Yes, you should be able to decide. Just pick one!
12. To the person who submitted the same picture 1200 times – seriously, what was that all about? Don’t do that. And your persistence, incidentally, did not pay off. Don’t watch for your hamster in our next issue, cause he’s not going to be there!


aimee said…
Hilarious! What is with all those hamster owners anyway? :)
Anonymous said…
I needed a laugh and that was it! Too funny.


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