Skip to main content

Submission Guidelines

I’ve had such an interesting day at work. I don’t want to reveal too much about my job, so let’s say, hypothetically, that I create html newsletters for hamster owners. And let’s say that in our last issue we invited our loyal readers to submit their very best picture of their hamster for possible publication in our next issue. Let’s say that we have received, to date, over three thousand pictures of hamsters that I now have to sort through. And let’s say that some of these pictures are alarmingly bad, so much so that I have decided that next year, when we once again open our inbox for reader photos, I’m going to include these guidelines:

1. Please submit only photos that are in focus.
2. Please fix any hamster red-eye before submitting photo.
3. Even the cutest hamster does not look all that cute when sitting on a couch with busy upholstery.
4. Or when sitting on dirty linoleum.
5. Photos of your hamster’s nether regions are not desirable.
6. Photos of your hamster snuggling into your cleavage are even less desirable.
7. “Glamour shots” of you and your hamster – again, no.
8. As we are one of the leading public advocates for hamster welfare, we cannot publish photos featuring your hamster perched on a jet ski. Or tangled up in electrical cords.
9. Please remove all sunglasses and funny hats from your hamster before taking the photo.
10. Please do not add captions such as “Hamster Love” or “Cutie-Pie!” to your photo. Leave the editorializing to us, the editors.
11. We stated that we wanted your “best” photo. “Best” means one, not five, not fifteen, not fifty-three. No, they’re not all so cute. Yes, you should be able to decide. Just pick one!
12. To the person who submitted the same picture 1200 times – seriously, what was that all about? Don’t do that. And your persistence, incidentally, did not pay off. Don’t watch for your hamster in our next issue, cause he’s not going to be there!

Comments

aimee said…
Hilarious! What is with all those hamster owners anyway? :)
Anonymous said…
I needed a laugh and that was it! Too funny.

Mom

Popular posts from this blog

Whew

When they called Pennsylvania, I knew. When they called Ohio, I knew for sure. But I still got chills up and down my spine when they called it for good. And I have tears in my eyes every time I think of his speech. Last night, I attempted to explain to Mallory why this was such a big deal. (This was after a rather undignified few minutes during which she, Phoebe and I danced around the living room chanting Go-bama, Go-bama!) I tried to explain that not so many years ago, black people couldn't even vote, much less become president. She looked at me in great perplexity. She didn't get it. She didn't get racial prejudice. And now...well, it's not that I believe for a second that she and Phoebe will grow up in a world where prejudice doesn't exist. But they do live in a country where, for one election, it was transcended. This is their world now, and their history being made, and I...I'm just elated.

Crafty Update

I've made a whopping total of two things this summer. A puppy for Phoebe's birthday: And a cell phone case for me: The case needs a bit of tweaking; I'm not happy with the strap. But it was way easier than making a stuffed animal, I'll tell you that much. The girls were on etsy with me last night looking at crochet patterns. Now I have a list of requests a mile long. I'm not sure when I'll have time to get to these new projects, but I'll keep you posted. Because I know you care.

File under: stupid problems to have

I'm going to see Wicked (the musical) in May with my sister- and mother-in-law. I'm excited; I like musicals. In anticipation, I downloaded the soundtrack a few days ago and have been listening to it continually on my ipod ever since. I read Wicked (the book) back when it first came out, but didn't remember much of the plot. So in order to understand what happens in the gaps between the songs in the musical, I turned to wikipedia for a plot summary. Then I clicked over to the synposis of the book to see how it differed from the musical. Reading about the book made me realize that I had pretty much forgotten all of the book. In fact, to be honest, what I remember about the book was that I found it a bit dull. A bit long. A bit too much about the politics of an imaginary country. A bit too full of unsympathetic characters. And then, I remember, I read the author's next book (a retelling of the Cinderella story) and didn't like it much at all. So I never even cons