Responsibility: Three Scenes

Scene One: A convenience store restroom in Vicksburg, Mississippi, which, it is discovered at the last minute, is out of toilet paper.

Me: You're going to have to use paper towels, I guess.

Mallory: That's a really bad idea.

Me: It's not ideal, I agree, but I don't see a choice.

Mallory: No, but listen. Do you remember one day when I was in first grade and they had to close the whole school before lunch because the pipes broke?

Me:...Yes, I do remember that.

Mallory: Well, it's because someone flushed paper towels down the toilet.

Me: Really?

Mallory: A LOT of paper towels. To see what would happen.

Me: Well, that wasn't very smart.

Mallory: Do you want to know who it was that did that?

Me: Yes? Maybe?

Mallory: Yeah, it was me. But don't tell anyone -- nobody knows that but you.

Scene Two: Driving home from a preschool birthday party, at which I discovered that one of Phoebe's classmates had been expelled due to bullying.

Me: Phoebe, was Annie [not her real name] ever mean to you?

Phoebe: No, not to me.She hit a lot of other people, though.

Me: She did? Like who?

Phoebe: [sighs] I'm not allowed to talk about it. It's not my job to keep track of that stuff, Mommy -- it's my teacher's job.

Me: Oh. Sorry.

Scene Three: The girls' bedroom, last night, upon discovering that they had strewn packing peanuts all over the floor whilst trying to build a "carnival ride" (don't ask).

Phoebe: This is going to be very hard to clean up.

Chris: You're going to have to clean it up anyway.

Phoebe: What do you think I am, your servant?

Me: Watch it, missy.

Mallory: You know Phoebe, you're lucky to have a big sister.

Phoebe: Yeah, I am.

Mallory: See, big sisters don't need little sisters. They may want them, but they don't need them.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Mallory: But little sisters do need big sisters. They need them to help take care of them, and tell them things, and help them out, because they're just little and they don't know as much about stuff as big sisters do.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Mallory: So I think you should be the one to clean all this up, because you need to pay me back just for being a good big sister to you.

Me: Nice try.


H Noble said...

Wow. They certainly don't provide training for these situations, do they?

aimee said...

That is hilarious.

Just hilarious.

"Yeah, it was me."


Karen said...

What a nonchalant confession! Do you think it really was her?

I love the whole big sisters don't need little sisters bit!