Weekend 101

Child Psychology
We went to Target to get gifts for Mallory's best friends. Mallory kept picking out ridiculous items, like Baby Einstein lullaby CDs and 50 cent Power Ranger coloring books. Finally I said, "Mallory, what are you doing? You need to pick out something your friends will like." She said, "But if I pick out something really good, then I'll be jealous that they're getting it and I'm not." I gave her a stern lecture about The Joy of Giving and she eventually found something decent in the Art and Crafts aisle -- although, as she said, "I really hope I get one of these kits too, or else I'm going to cry on Christmas Day." Sometimes I think I've raised a bad seed.

Mother Psychology
I confess that I vetoed many of Mallory's gift suggestions in the Arts and Crafts aisle, by putting myself in her friends' mothers shoes. I don't want to have to help my kid make her own lip balm, or her own super bouncy balls; I don't want to inflict those things on other mothers, either.

Physical Education
Phoebe asked me why I was cleaning the living room. "So Santa doesn't trip on all this stuff when he comes down the chimney!" I said, and then did a pantomime of him falling over a Fisher Price princess carriage. In the process I twisted my knee and hurt my back. Sometimes it does not pay to be whimsical.

Environmental Studies
One of Mallory's presents came in a package full of completely organic "peanuts." They decompose in water!, proclaimed the packing slip. Since I am someone who always has good intentions of recycling packing peanuts, but then lets boxes of them sit around for months until I get sick of tripping over them and then get frustrated and just throw them all out, I was happy to see these eco-friendly peanuts and decided to test them out. I put them all in the bathroom sink, filled it up with water, and...behold! They really did melt away. They also left a gross sludgy goo behind, but, oh well, the bathroom needed cleaning anyway.

Cultural Studies
Mallory has started asking Questions about Santa. How does Santa fit down the chimney? How come he doesn't bring presents for the parents? How does he eat cookies from kids all over the world and not get a stomachache? Who gives Santa a present? At school we learned about St Nicholas, Mommy, and he was a real guy and he died a long time ago so how come people call Santa, St Nick? If I ask Santa for a reindeer will he leave Rudolph in the backyard for me? Well why not, if he's Santa? Isn't he supposed to give kids whatever they want? Huh, Mommy, isn't he, isn't he?

My house, already groaning under the weight of Two Much Stuff, may just explode with the upcoming Christmas Bounty.

Home Ec
So what do you do when you pull out two boxes of baking chocolate -- one of Semi-Sweet, one of Unsweetened -- from your pantry, not knowing they were already open, and all the little squares fall out all over the floor? And the semi and the unsweet get all mixed up? And there's no indication on the wrappers or the squares as to which is which? Is this the point at which you decide that holiday baking is more trouble than it's worth? Or does that come later, at the grocery store, when you discover that powdered sugar is $4.59 a bag? Doesn't that seem like a lot to you? It certainly seems like a lot to me.

Proof of miracles: Phoebe, who hasn't eaten meat since she was 15 months old, ate chicken nuggets on Saturday and proclaimed them "teelicious!" She also ate part of a slice of actual pizza, whereas previously she has only consented to eat the crust. What could be next? Will she allow me to put sauce on her spaghetti? Will she try a turkey sandwich? Will she...I can hardly bear to dream...someday eat a hamburger? We can only pray and wait.


aimee said...

That was very funny. (This is the 2nd time I have had to write this post--what is wrong with my internet!)

Anyway, I read Rhett and Noah your physical ed section and after I laughed, Rhett asked if you cried. He wants to know if you are okay.