Phoebe, being almost four and apparently convinced that she has the power to bend the world to her will, has taken to speaking to us like this:
Phoebe: Mommy, are you going to clean up the house today?
Me: No, I hadn't planned to --
Phoebe: You ARE going to clean! You ARE!
or
Phoebe: How much longer til we get there, Mommy?
Me: Ten minutes.
Phoebe: No, one minute! I said it's only one minute!
or
Phoebe: Let's go to Applebee's for dinner tonight!
Me: No, everybody else wants pizza.
Phoebe: No! We are going to Applebee's and you know it! How many times do I have to tell you that?
Mallory, on the other hand, is either being totally literal or totally cryptic. First, the cryptic:
Mallory: I saw a friend of mine at the park today.
Me: Really? Who?
Mallory: HOT.
Me: What?
Mallory: Don't you get it? HOT. You know. HOT.
Me: I don't...oh. You mean your friend Summer?
or
Mallory: Can I have dessert?
Me: What would you like?
Mallory: Cold. Smooth. Spoon.
It's like playing a continual game of Celebrity Password, only without the fabulous prizes.
Now the literal:
Mallory: You know the new principal of my school?
Me: Yes.
Mallory: She's a doctor.
Me: Well, she has a doctorate.
Mallory: Yeah, that's good. That means that if I fall and get a scrape on the playground, she can help me.
Me: No, she's not a doctor of medicine. She has a PhD. That's a degree you get if you go to school for a long long time and take a lot of exams and write a very long paper called a dissertation.
Mallory: I'll never do that!
Me: Never say never.
Mallory: Ouch. Pencil. Hand.
Me: What?
Mallory: Sore. Arm. Writing.
Me: What are you trying to tell me?
Mallory: Mom. I'll never do that because I don't want to write a long long paper because it would make my hand hurt. Geez. Don't you understand anything?
Confused. Tired. Children.
Phoebe: Mommy, are you going to clean up the house today?
Me: No, I hadn't planned to --
Phoebe: You ARE going to clean! You ARE!
or
Phoebe: How much longer til we get there, Mommy?
Me: Ten minutes.
Phoebe: No, one minute! I said it's only one minute!
or
Phoebe: Let's go to Applebee's for dinner tonight!
Me: No, everybody else wants pizza.
Phoebe: No! We are going to Applebee's and you know it! How many times do I have to tell you that?
Mallory, on the other hand, is either being totally literal or totally cryptic. First, the cryptic:
Mallory: I saw a friend of mine at the park today.
Me: Really? Who?
Mallory: HOT.
Me: What?
Mallory: Don't you get it? HOT. You know. HOT.
Me: I don't...oh. You mean your friend Summer?
or
Mallory: Can I have dessert?
Me: What would you like?
Mallory: Cold. Smooth. Spoon.
It's like playing a continual game of Celebrity Password, only without the fabulous prizes.
Now the literal:
Mallory: You know the new principal of my school?
Me: Yes.
Mallory: She's a doctor.
Me: Well, she has a doctorate.
Mallory: Yeah, that's good. That means that if I fall and get a scrape on the playground, she can help me.
Me: No, she's not a doctor of medicine. She has a PhD. That's a degree you get if you go to school for a long long time and take a lot of exams and write a very long paper called a dissertation.
Mallory: I'll never do that!
Me: Never say never.
Mallory: Ouch. Pencil. Hand.
Me: What?
Mallory: Sore. Arm. Writing.
Me: What are you trying to tell me?
Mallory: Mom. I'll never do that because I don't want to write a long long paper because it would make my hand hurt. Geez. Don't you understand anything?
Confused. Tired. Children.
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