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Literally

Phoebe, being almost four and apparently convinced that she has the power to bend the world to her will, has taken to speaking to us like this:

Phoebe: Mommy, are you going to clean up the house today?

Me: No, I hadn't planned to --

Phoebe: You ARE going to clean! You ARE!

or

Phoebe: How much longer til we get there, Mommy?

Me: Ten minutes.

Phoebe: No, one minute! I said it's only one minute!

or

Phoebe: Let's go to Applebee's for dinner tonight!

Me: No, everybody else wants pizza.

Phoebe: No! We are going to Applebee's and you know it! How many times do I have to tell you that?

Mallory, on the other hand, is either being totally literal or totally cryptic. First, the cryptic:

Mallory: I saw a friend of mine at the park today.

Me: Really? Who?

Mallory: HOT.

Me: What?

Mallory: Don't you get it? HOT. You know. HOT.

Me: I don't...oh. You mean your friend Summer?

or

Mallory: Can I have dessert?

Me: What would you like?

Mallory: Cold. Smooth. Spoon.

It's like playing a continual game of Celebrity Password, only without the fabulous prizes.

Now the literal:

Mallory: You know the new principal of my school?

Me: Yes.

Mallory: She's a doctor.

Me: Well, she has a doctorate.

Mallory: Yeah, that's good. That means that if I fall and get a scrape on the playground, she can help me.

Me: No, she's not a doctor of medicine. She has a PhD. That's a degree you get if you go to school for a long long time and take a lot of exams and write a very long paper called a dissertation.

Mallory: I'll never do that!

Me: Never say never.

Mallory: Ouch. Pencil. Hand.

Me: What?

Mallory: Sore. Arm. Writing.

Me: What are you trying to tell me?

Mallory: Mom. I'll never do that because I don't want to write a long long paper because it would make my hand hurt. Geez. Don't you understand anything?

Confused. Tired. Children.

Comments

aimee said…
I am impressed that you figured out her friend Summer's name. That would be exhausting! And Phoebe is hilarious. She and a little neighbor girl I know would get along really well. She does that sort of thing too. Or maybe they wouldn't get along--they may be too much alike.
11:35 AM
Anonymous said…
I guess when you are the youngest in the family, you want to feel like you control someone, even if you don't. And Mallory's game would be brain-tiring.

Mom
12:35 PM
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